When Your Teen Fails

Don't Blame Yourself

Parents cannot be in the physical presence of their teenagers twenty-four hours a day and control their behavior. As frightening as it may seem, your teenager must be given freedom to make decisions.

Don't Preach to the Teenager

A teenager who has failed needs to wrestle with his own guilt, but he does not need further condemnation.

Don't try to Fix It

If you seek to remove the natural consequences of the teen's failure, you are working against your teen's maturity. Teens learn some of life's deepest lessons through experiencing the consequences of failure.

Give Your Teenager Unconditional Love

The wise parent will give love to the teenager no matter what the failure. The teenager needs to know that no matter what he has done, someone is there who still believes in him, who still believes that he is valuable, and who is willing to forgive.

Listen to the Teenager with Empathy

Empathy means to enter into the feelings of another. Parents need to put themselves in the shoes of the teenager and try to understand what led to the failure as well as what the teenager is feeling at the moment.

Give the Teenager Support

Let the teen know that while you do not agree with what he has done and that you cannot remove all the consequences, you will stand by his side as he walks through the process of dealing with the consequences of this failure.

Give Guidance to the Teenager

The teenager cannot become a responsible adult without having freedom to grapple with his situation and make decisions regarding where he goes from here. Parents who learn how to give this kind of guidance will continue to influence their teenager's decisions in a positive direction.

Author: Gary Chapman

Condensed from "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers"